I’ve decided that the phrase ‘you need to get laid’ needs to go die in a fire.  I’ve been very lucky, in that everyone I’ve come out to as asexual has been very supportive and well informed, so no one who knows that I’m ace has ever done it to me.  But I’ve had a few friends, who didn’t know I was ace, but did know I was a virgin, tell me that I needed to get laid.

I hate that statement with a burning passion.  I know that everyone who has aimed it at me has meant well.  They see me missing out on an experience they consider very important, and they want to help me have it.  I know they are my friends, and they love me and they mean well.  And I hate it.  No amount of good intentions makes that phrase anything other than a total invalidation of my feelings, wrapped in peer pressure, slathered in a liberal dose of judgement and condensed into five syllables.

For a long time, I thought that my hatred, searing though it was, was a personal thing, and I kept it to myself.  After all, its innocent enough when it isn’t being used on me, isn’t it?  I mean, aren’t a lot of people much happier when they have sex regularly?  They probably wouldn’t mind?  Right?  No.

If you are someone who for whatever reason does need to get laid, do you really need some nosy person informing of you of that fact?  No.  And its probably pretty embarrassing, and a little offensive, to have people blurt it out at you.

And when it comes down to it, half the time when people say ‘you need to get laid’, they don’t actually even mean that they think you’re sexually frustrated.  What they actually mean is ‘you need to calm down’ or ‘you need to take things less seriously’, or ‘I think you’re being prudish and uptight’, or some other variation on ‘I don’t want to take your feelings seriously, so I’ll make a snide remark instead’.

So seriously, stop saying that.


One thought on “No One Here Needs to Get Laid

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